


Falling Toward Apotheosis

by romanticalgirl



Category: Band of Brothers, Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 11:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: Steve walks in on Bucky and another man, which leaves Steve caught in figuring out what that means to them, what they mean to each other, and where they go from here.Much to the annoyance of the Howlies, they are both stubborn jackasses.





	Falling Toward Apotheosis

**Author's Note:**

> The Band of Brothers crossover bit is very small, so 99.99% of this is Captain America. Sorry if I got anyone's hopes up.

Steve’s been looking for Bucky for over an hour now, and irritation is making his shoulders tense and his eyes hurt. He’s been in every room in the damn building, including the women’s restrooms -- and that was embarrassing and incredibly awkward when he walked in on one of the secretaries, thanks Bucky -- as well as the barracks they’re all holed up in, and the nearby bars, and it seems like he can find everyone _but_ Bucky. 

Steve tries to settle down in the back of the room where they have the movie showing, but even  
Spencer Tracy and Irene Dunne on the screen can’t manage to hold his interest and, after the first few dirty looks he gets, at least until the fact that he’s _Captain America_ sinks in, he gets up and leaves, not wanting to ruin the movie for everyone else. 

He paces the hallway and then leaves, heading to the bar. A drink won’t do a damn thing for him, but at least he’ll have something to do with his hands. He stops at the barracks before he goes, heading to the back where there’s a closed-off area for officers. He’d much rather sleep out with his men, but there aren’t actually enough beds, and they’ve been in the field enough that he’s not going to pass up an actual cot for the floor.

He opens the door and stops because there’s Bucky.

In the officers’ quarters. 

In an officer.

Bucky and the man freeze and Steve’s not sure who’s more horrified. Bucky, the man he’s fucking, or Steve himself. “I...I’m sorry. I…” Steve steps back and shuts the door and hurries out of the barracks, glad now for the enhanced speed he has. He puts as much distance as he can between himself and the makeshift base. 

He eventually stops running, letting it slow to a walk as he wanders along narrow dirt roads between fields. He’s in the middle of the English countryside with nothing but stone fences, the sound of cattle and of sheep, and his brain that won’t shut up, that won’t let him forget what he’d seen.

He‘s starting to regret his eidetic memory. The blue of Bucky’s eyes, the pale flesh, the sweat glistening. The sounds he didn’t realize he consciously heard. Grunts and groans and slaps of flesh. 

He’s got no idea where he is. He knows that he could find his way back, but he has no desire to _go_ back. Send him back to the war, but not back to the base where everything is different. He understands blood and mud and rain and snow. Those are obstacles, and he can overcome obstacles. He always has.

He ignores the Jeep until it pulls up alongside him, keeping pace with his slow walk. “You found me.”

“Yeah.” Bucky’s voice is soft. The kind of soft that means he’s worried about Steve, that he’s being delicate with him. “That all right?”

“Somebody would have eventually.” Steve shrugs and keeps walking. “Suppose people are wondering where I am.”

“You’ve been gone about twenty hours, so yeah. There’s some concern.”

“What’d you tell them?” He knows Bucky has to have said something. That’s why he’s here. That’s why he’s alone. 

“Some jerk brought a dame onto the base and tried to get her drunk. You took her home, and her folks asked you to stay the night instead of going all the way back to the base.”

“That was nice of them.”

“Well, you’re a nice guy.” Bucky keeps driving, not looking at Steve. “You gonna give me a blue ticket?”

“What?” Steve stops, frozen, and Bucky stops the Jeep and gets out and walks back to him. 

“Not like you could think what you saw was anything but what it was. So I wanna know if you’re gonna give me a blue ticket and send me home.”

“You think I’d do that.” Steve can hear the hurt in his voice, and Bucky flinches from it. “You think I’d do that. To you.” He shakes his head. “Looks like neither of us knows each other as well as we thought we did. Go back to base. I’ll be there in a while.”

“Steve.”

Steve looks at Bucky and shakes his head. “Go back, Buck. I’m not very good company right now.”

**

Nobody asks what’s going on, and Steve is grateful for it. He’s not sure he’d know how to answer if he was asked. He knows the Commandos are suspicious, because he and Bucky aren’t acting like normal, but it’s only in the down time. They still have each other’s backs, Bucky still argues with him about battle plans and tactics. But when the rest of them sit around the fire, Steve stays on watch even if it’s not his turn, or he sits in his tent with maps, or he just lies on the floor with his back to them all.

He knows they don’t ask Bucky either. Or if they do it’s out of range of his enhanced hearing. It’s a relief, because he doesn’t think he’d want to know what Bucky would say. He used to think he knew how Bucky would answer anything and everything. 

They’re in northern Italy on the outskirts of a town that’s been laid waste by fighting. They all split up to find food and shelter and anything else they can manage. Dum Dum finds an old church and Denier finds a couple of bottles of homemade brandy, Morita scores some ammunition and a hunting rifle, and Jones finds a small store that hasn’t been completely picked over. 

Steve and Bucky stay at the church when they all go to gather all the supplies and bring them back. They work at shoring up any weak spots, giving them cover in case anyone comes to town and tries to claim the spot for their own. They work in silence, uncomfortable and awkward.

“You still pray at all?”

Steve glances over at him then shakes his head. “No point. Ain’t nobody listening.”

Bucky shifts and looks at him. “You believe that?”

“Lots of stuff they told us in church wasn’t true, Buck. Hell, it’s all contradictory anyway. They say the Bible says do not kill, but then they encourage us to send people off to war. Maybe they think war ain’t killin’. But it is. They say that if it ain’t a man and a woman in a marriage then it’s a sin. But love ain’t a sin, right? And there were plenty of people where we lived that were loving in ways that weren’t that. Killing is killing and love is love. They don’t get to have it both ways.”

“That isn’t God though.”

“All I know how to do is what I think is the right thing. People trust me to decide. They _expect_ me to decide, and not a damn one of them knows that I’m some hot-headed, opinionated, angry kid from Brooklyn. Yeah, I want to do the right thing. Doesn’t mean I know what that actually is.”

“You’re the best man I know.”

“Yeah, well, you know a lot of shitty guys then.”

Bucky stares at him for a minute and then cracks up, bending over with his hands on his knees. It’s got the same edge of hysteria that all battlefront laughter does, but Bucky’s eyes are shining when he straightens and looks at Steve. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Stevie.”

“You could have told me. Trusted me.”

“I know.”

“But you didn’t.”

Bucky shakes his head. “No.”

“You got your reasons, I imagine. And that’s fine. You don’t owe me anything, Buck. Think we all know that I’m the one who owes here.”

“It isn’t like that, Steve, and you know it. That’s not what we’re about.”

“If anyone had asked me, I’d have told them I knew everything there was to know about James Buchanan Barnes. Because I really thought I did. If I didn’t know I was wrong about that, how can I be sure I’m not wrong about everything else?”

He can feel Bucky watching him as he walks away, but he doesn’t turn around.

**

“You got a light?” Dugan sits next to Steve on the remains of the bench outside the church. “And a coffin nail to go with it?”

“Gave out my rations already.” Steve tosses one of the rocks in his hand onto the ground. “Sorry.”

“Eh, it’s all right. Rumor is that shit’ll kill ya.” Dugan looks around. The sky is lit up orange and black in the distance. “Course, if it’s gonna do it, it better be quick if it wants the first go at me.”

Steve laughs because he knows it’s expected. He can feel Dugan watching him as he tosses another rock to the ground, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. 

“What’s wrong with you and Sarge, Sir?”

Steve straightens at the title. “Excuse me?”

“You two are a team. The best we got. I mean, the rest of us ain’t shabby, but you two are something beyond. And right now you’re not right. We’re all on eggshells trying to figure it out, trying to find out what we gotta do to get back on track.”

“There’s nothing wrong.”

“We don’t all have the eyesight you do, Cap, but we’re not blind. You and the Sarge aren’t right. And we need you to get that way because we’re in the shit now, and it ain’t getting any better from here.”

They’re headed toward Bastogne, and they know the rumors they’ve heard are actually true. Nazi forces guarding Hydra forces and bringing hell with them. The men holding the line don’t know about Hydra. They’ve got enough horror to deal with. The replacements don’t necessarily see it, but those who have been there do. Boys shooting boys. Boys watching their friends and brothers in blood die. It doesn’t matter if they haven’t been shot or captured. Every single one of them is wearing scars.

“You have a best friend, Dugan?”

“Hell, Cap. Wasn’t like that for me. I didn’t stay in one place. I mean, I guess you could say we were a family, but there wasn’t anyone like you and Sarge. I don’t think many people have what you guys have.”

Steve nods and closes his eyes, leans his head back on the stone wall. “I don’t know if Bucky and I have what Bucky and I have.” He sighs and tosses another rock, throwing it out into the trees., listening as it knocks into a couple of trees, momentum and angle and trajectory that he doesn’t even have to think about anymore.

“Yeah, well, maybe you aren’t as smart as you think you are.”

Steve laughs. “More like as smart as Buck thinks I am?”

“You said it.” Dugan stands up and claps his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Not me.”

**

He’s on watch -- Morita’s watch -- when Bucky stumbles out, yawning. His boots aren’t laced up and he doesn’t have his arms in his coat, just has it wrapped around him. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Watching. That’s what on watch means.” He’s got his shield and his pistol and a rifle slung over his shoulder. “You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“So are you.” Bucky glares at him. “Okay, so we need to deal with this. Don’t move.” He stomps back to the church and about fifteen minutes later he comes out, actually dressed, with Morita on his heels. 

“He ordered me, Sarge.”

“I know I did. Because he’s a fuckin’ idiot.” He smacks Morita lightly on the helmet then shoves Steve toward the trees. “Which I’m gonna go remind him of. Probably loudly, so if there are any krauts, I’ll probably scare the bastards off.”

He shoves Steve again, even though he’s not resisting. Still, Steve figures it’s better to let Bucky get some of his anger or aggression or whatever the hell is wrong with him out before it all gets turned on him. Finally Bucky shoves him toward a thick tree, grabbing his arm at the same time to spin him around so Steve’s back collides with it. “What the hell, Buck?”

“Yell at me. Punch me. Whatever.”

“What?” Steve’s brow furrows and he shakes his head. “Why would I do that?”

“Stop being so goddamned _nice_. Stop… Stop lying to me.”

“Lying? Lying about what? What the hell are you talking about?”

Bucky rakes his hands through his hair and turns on his heel, walking several feet away before coming back and getting in Steve’s face. “About what happened in England. What you saw.”

Steve can feel the blush rise on his skin. He can honestly say he’d rather face down a bunch of Hydra goons right now than talk about this, but Bucky’s face looks set in stone. “We talked about this already. I’m not gonna judge you or anything. I want you to be happy.”

“Yeah? Well, I was _happy_ with you back in Brooklyn because then you were running head-first into danger, but at least it wasn’t running head-first into people with guns that can fucking evaporate you. The worst you were gonna get was a black eye, and maybe not even that if enough people got shipped out. But no. You were a fucking idiot and did this and came over here, and now every goddamned thing is ruined.”

Steve knows cold. He’s lived with it his entire life. And even though the serum is running hot through his blood, he’s never been colder. Never felt the icy ache in his veins so sharply, so painfully, so deeply. Something must show on his face, even though he tries not to react, because Bucky curses under his breath before stepping closer. 

“Shit, Steve. That’s not what I meant.”

“I think maybe it is, Buck. I think maybe it’s what you’ve meant for a long time.” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shoves off the tree with his shoulder. He walks past Bucky to the church and nods at Morita before he goes inside. Everyone’s asleep and it’s dark, so Steve’s quiet and careful as he walks back to the far corner where his bedroll is set out next to Bucky’s. 

He stares down at it for a long time then walks away, heading up the stairs to the choir area and stretching out on the first landing, back to the corner and legs out in front of him.

**

The next time it’s Gabe. Steve’s wondering if they drew straws. They’re on the move this time, so it’s not like Steve can get away, especially since Monty is already scouting ahead. Gabe falls in step with him, rifle deceptively loose in his arms. 

Steve sighs before Gabe can say anything. “Don’t.”

“Cap, we all gotta live with this, and we’re on edge enough what with the entire German army and a load of Hydra creeps coming after us. We need you and Sarge to be alright.”

“We fight fine together.”

“Yeah, but fightin’ ain’t all we do. So fix it, huh? Before we all tell Carter on you both.” Gabe falls back and starts talking to Denier, and the soft flow of French fits the woods they’re currently traipsing through. Though Steve’s pretty sure Gabe said something at his expense when Jacques snorts out a laugh.

They catch up with Monty a few hours later and he nods to Steve, bending his head to the side. Steve moves over to him as the rest of them men start gathering branches to use as fresh cover for the fox holes left behind by someone in advance of them. 

Steve kneels on the ground and Falsworth squats next to him as Steve lays out the map. “We’re roughly ten kilometers off the 101st’s line. According to the reports we have and what I could see, we’re near here.” He points out a town. “People, but it looks like it might be a mix of friendlies and hostiles. Or just civilians and hostiles. People during the day right now, but as soon as it started getting dark, it became something of a ghost town.”

“Large population?”

“Seems most don’t live in town. Just the ones with a vested interest there. There’s an inn. Big one, and I’m going to guess _die Armee_ is holed up there.” Steve pulls out a piece of paper as Monty describes the town to him, sketching it out so he can see the lay of the land. 

“We’re off the 101st’s flank?”

“They’re held by artillery currently just outside of Foy. Spoke with a First Lieutenant Dike. Not sure exactly what he was doing, to be honest. He was lucky I didn’t shoot him when he popped out yawning.”

“Getting bored of the war, hmm?” Steve frowned down at the sketch. “Get Barnes?”

Monty stands and walks away. Steve keeps rolling the images in his mind. From Monty’s description it’s a small town, more of a village, but the number of Germans is unknown and they’re a small squad. 

“You wanted to see me, Cap?”

“Go ahead, Monty.”

Falsworth goes through the relevant information again, Steve pointing to the map and the sketch as he does. Steve looks up as Bucky sinks down, squatting on Steve’s left. “No idea on troops?”

“No.” Monty sighs. “Too much open area for me to get close to the town in the broad daylight, and the surrounding woods are just as likely to be filled with men. Rather thought you’d miss me if I got captured.”

Bucky shrugs. “Eh.”

Monty gives Bucky a raised eyebrow and a very eloquent reverse-V sign before he heads back to where he and Dugan will be sharing a foxhole. Steve waits until he’s gone then nods back down at the sketch. “What do you think?”

“Without knowing what they’ve got in the woods? It’s tough to say.”

“What if three of us circle back two miles and come at it from the rear? Head this way through the forest and see if there’s anything to see. Set up a signal if we make it to the edge of town?”

“Who were you thinking?”

“Denier. He can lay some explosives for a diversion if needed. Debating on Gabe. Easier for Denier if we have someone else who speaks French, but it’d be nice to have someone here that did too.”

“Who else?”

Talking tactics and strategy they can do. It’s simple, cut and dried. It doesn’t matter if they’re not talking, that they barely look at each other. “If we’re coming across the field, it would be good to have someone taking them out from another direction.”

“And?”

“Who do you want on your team?”

“Dugan.”

“Done. First light?”

“O-two-hundred. I’ll tell the guys to get some grub and shut-eye.”

The foxholes are in decent shape. No one’s used them as latrines and the walls are sturdy, but mostly because they’re probably frozen that way. Steve doesn’t envy whoever had to dig these. He spends a lot of his time digging the ones for his men. Seems only fair.

The sleeping arrangements change -- Denier, Bucky, and Dugan are dug in together so the rest can sleep when they head out. Steve’s on watch when they leave, slipping out under cover of darkness. He gives them all nods as they pass. No one says good luck. No one says anything that might alert the universe to the fact that something’s going to happen and they could use someone on their side. 

No sense in giving whatever is out there a target.

**

The artillery rounds start less than an hour after they’ve left. Heads pop up around thick branches and Steve dives into his hole shouting for them to get back under cover. Gabe and Monty do, and Jim waves a hand, though his head doesn’t poke up over the edge.

The trees around them start getting ripped to shreds. “Panzers!” Gabe shouts.

Steve can hear the growl of the tanks, though they don’t seem to be coming closer. “How did we miss goddamned tanks!”

“Surprise party?” Jim yells.

A blast lands three feet in front of Steve’s foxhole and he ducks under the shield fast enough that the debris and the falling treetop don’t hit him. 

“Shit.” There’s quiet for a moment and everyone lifts a hand to show that they’re okay. “Anyone hit?”

“All good, Cap. You?”

“Yeah. Can we get any eyes on them?”

Morita pops up with a pair of binoculars and looks. After a few minutes he shakes his head. “Dark, plus the snow the shots sent flying, and the smoke. Can’t see a bloody thing.”

“Okay. Try and get back to sleep.” Steve knows the odds of any of them sleeping are slim to none, but they settle back into their foxholes, all of them silent.

There’s another barrage, but it’s further away, obviously aimed at the 101st. It’s still deafening and the ground quakes around and beneath them. Chunks of frozen dirt break off the edges of their foxholes and rain down on them. 

Morita curses just loud enough for Steve to hear, but no louder, so Steve doesn’t respond. Eventually daylight slips through the trees, brilliant and blinding on the snow. There’s an echoing sound of gunfire, but it’s impossible to tell where it comes from, the snow and wind distorting it.

There’s a quiet rustle in the trees and Gabe takes aim over the edge of the hole, peering through the branches covering them. 

“Flash.”

Gabe glances at Steve who nods. He doesn’t move his gun, but he replies. “Thunder.”

A man walks over, hunched as he makes his way to the foxhole. Gabe glances at Steve again and lowers his weapon as he reengages the safety. The man slips down beside them and nods at Steve.

“Captain Rogers.”

“Captain Winters.”

They shake hands and settle against the ground. “Command let us know you were around and Dike said he’d run into your scout.”

“Command let you know that?”

“We called to verify your scout and were very loudly informed that your location was something they could neither confirm nor deny, and absolutely none of our business.”

Steve smiles. “Sounds just about right. It’s an honor to meet you.”

“Think that’s my line.” Winters smiles. “Given that you’re in the area, I wanted to let you know our plan of attack. We’ll be going into Foy in two days.”

“I’ve got three men in the woods to the east. We won’t interfere with your offensive. Our mission objective is different. Obviously we’re happy to help on the left flank if we can.”

“I know your squad is small. Just wanted to make sure we’re not getting our signals crossed.”

“I appreciate the heads up. Depending on what my scouts find, we may be moving out sooner. If nothing else, maybe we can divert attention from you.”

“All right.” Winters nods. “Pleasure working with you, Captain.”

“Pleasure and honor are all mine.” Steve shakes his hand. “Godspeed.”

Winters nods again, then slips out of the foxhole and disappears back into the trees. Gabe’s eyebrows are practically up to his hairline. “That was Dick Winters.”

“The one and only.”

“Hell, Cap. He’s even more impressive than you.”

Steve smirks slightly. As grateful as he is for what the serum allows him to do, he’s under no illusions. Science, chance, and pure dumb luck are the only reasons he’s here. “He is more impressive.” He agrees. “All real men over here are.”

“You’re as real as any of us.” Steve doesn’t reply. He just pulls up his binoculars to look across the snowy open field trying to see in the shadows of the opposite trees. “So. When are you and Sarge gonna kiss and make up?”

Steve glances at Gabe who is deliberately not looking at him. “Dangerous way to phrase that.”

“There’s no way anybody who might take offense to that is gonna be out here freezing their balls off.”

“And you really think I’d be the type to kiss and tell?” Steve smiles, hoping to get Gabe to drop the subject.

“Trust me, you two fixed things, you wouldn’t have to say a word.”

“Bucky and I are fine.”

“Cap, you and the Sarge are so far from fine it’s on a whole ‘nother continent. It’s gone from Europe over to Japan and is fightin’ over there. You ain’t fine.”

Before Steve can say anything there’s a distant crack of a sniper rifle and the too familiar flash of blue. “Shit! Jones, Monty. Sweep up on the left flank behind the other three. Morita, behind me.”

They’re all moving even as Steve’s talking, like they’re all one mind. Steve takes the lead, Jim sliding behind him. They stay low, Steve running with his shield in front of him, helping to push through the snow hoping the white powder will help to disguise it. There’s another gun retort and a blue light arcs upward. 

Steve reaches back and pushes Morita down. They both start crawling, working their way quickly across the open area, arm over arm. “You need a new uniform” Morita puffs out. “Stick out like a sore thumb in that getup.”

“Kinda attached to it.” He thinks about the look Bucky gave him when he asked if Steve was keeping it, processing it in a whole new light suddenly with what he knows about Bucky now. Even buried in the thick pile of snow, Steve can feel his face flush.

“Besides, can’t be a beacon of justice if people can’t see me.”

Morita snorts. “I hate to tell you this, but you’d stand out no matter what.”

Steve glances back over his shoulder and smiles. “Might as well make a spectacle of myself then.”

Another blue light flares nearby, evaporating the snow and ice, the sound sizzling far too close. It’s followed by a volley of actual bullets and then silence. Steve hears the faintest sound to his right. He knows it’s too quiet for Morita to hear, so he whips around to get the shield in front of him. The blue beam ricochets off the vibranium, and Steve sees the dark shape of the Hydra soldier disappear as the rebound hits him solidly in the chest.

Morita looks out from the side of the shield and fires, and another soldier goes down. There’s a loud shout and Steve gives a quick glance behind him to see Denier and Dugan coming out of the trees.

“Watch your damn back, Rogers.” Bucky’s voice echoes across the snow. Steve whips around just in time to see a Hydra soldier fall, the shot directly between his eyes. Steve shoves Morita down into the snow, flinging his shield. It flies true, hitting two soldiers in the chest and taking them out at the knees before coming back to Steve.

He sends it out again, dropping from his knees onto his stomach as Bucky lands beside him, shoving Steve down.

“Get your damn head down, you idiot.”

“Hard to throw the shield like this.” Steve looks up, reaching out to catch the shield as it comes back.

Bucky shoves him down again, bracing his rifle on the shield to fire his next shot. “What do you know? Works better than your hard head. By the way, town’s full of Hydra.”

“Thanks for the scouting report.”

“My pleasure, Captain.”

Steve pulls out his gun and sets up his shield, crouching behind it and heading forward. “Fall in behind me.”

“Goddamnit, Rogers.”

Steve gets as far as the first downed Hydra agent, grabbing his rifle and tossing it back. He’s not sure who grabs it, but it cuts a swathe through the incoming troops, disintegrating them . Pressing closer, the rest of the Commandos pick up Hydra weapons and turn the guns against them. Bucky continues firing from the rear position, clearing a path of his own.

Eventually Hydra’s troops are evaporated or sprawled and dying across the field. The Commandos move across the scorched earth into the town. Bucky walks up to them and stands off to Steve’s side.

“Let me go in first.”

Steve gives Bucky a sharp look. “Stay here.” He heads into town, shield to the front. The Commandos fan out in formation and Steve rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to listen to your commanding officer.”

Gabe chuckles softly. “Sarge is scarier than you.”

“Besides our commanding officer is being an ass.”

“Thanks, Buck.”

“All part of the service.” Bucky gives Steve a tight smile. Steve rolls his eyes again, this time so Bucky can see him, and shakes his head as he leads the way.

**

The inn had obviously been Hydra’s base. The team moves in and finds food, booze, and firewood. Dugan builds a fire in the stone fireplace, and Denier and Morita head for the kitchen. The rest of them clean out the rooms, keeping anything they need and discarding the rest. Steve’s finishing the last room on the top floor when he hears footsteps approaching. He turns, shield at the ready, sighing and lowering it as Bucky shuts the door behind him.

“Floor secure?” Bucky gives Steve a lazy salute and he laughs softly. “You’re lucky I like you, Barnes.”

There’s a click of the lock and Steve’s eyebrows shoot up as Bucky looks at him steadily. “Do you?”

“Do I wh--. Wait. Do I _like_ you?” Steve snorts and shakes his head. “You’re my best friend.”

“Still? Because I’m thinking something’s changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.” Steve stands his ground, though he has the same feeling he’d had when Bucky had pinned him to the tree. He feels like prey. Like Bucky’s looking at him and seeing something else entirely. 

“Really?” He’s leaning against the door, one ankle crossed over the other, deceptively casual. “You don’t feel any different since what happened? What you walked in on?”

The scene back in the officers’ quarters flashes through Steve’s mind without his permission. “That doesn’t change our friendship or how we work together.” 

“See, now, I think you’re lying to me, Stevie.” He walks forward, almost aggressive, predatory. His eyes are dark and Steve swallows hard. “And don’t tell me you don’t lie to me. We both know better than that.”

“I’m not lying.”

“It doesn’t bother you at all? That I was with a man? Or was it okay because I was giving it?”

Steve clears his throat. “Who you have sex with isn’t my business. You’re my friend and you’re my second-in-command. There’s nobody else I want at my back.” Another flash of Bucky’s hand on the man’s hips, thrusting into him from behind and Steve shifts his stance. 

“Did you look at him, Steve?” Bucky’s voice drops to a thick purr. “Did you see him? Thin and blond. Slim. Almost delicate.”

Steve swallows again and Bucky’s eyes focus on Steve’s Adam’s apple. “N-no. I didn’t. Didn’t see much but you.”

Bucky’s eyelids drop to half-mast and he takes a step forward. His gaze is focused on Steve’s mouth, and Steve licks his lips without thinking.

“Buck…”

There’s a loud report from a gun and then there’s a clamor from downstairs, shouts from all the Commandos.

“Fuck.” Bucky pulls out his pistol and Steve grabs his shield. He elbows Bucky out of the way so he can lead them out the door. He ignores Bucky’s huff of annoyance. He slowly opens the door before grabbing his own pistol. “Don’t get shot.”

“Do my best.” 

Steve grins and swings out into the hallway, Bucky close on his heels. Bucky groans. “Oh, Hydra’s not enough? We have to deal with _actual_ Nazis too?”

“No vaporizing guns, at least.” Steve lifts the shield to deflect the shot. The hallway is too narrow for Steve to use it as a weapon, so he shoots from the side while Bucky stays low and shoots from below. They can hear shouts in German, English, and French, but nothing that gives Steve any idea of the situation on the lower floors.

“Pay attention,” Bucky snarls. Steve looks down and there are drops of blood across Bucky’s cheek. The Nazi he’s shooting goes down about the time Steve realizes he’s been shot in the thigh, and Bucky’s wearing his blood.

“Stay down,” Steve brings the shield lower, crouching behind it.

“I’m not the idiot that just got shot,” Bucky snaps. Bullets ping off the shield and Bucky’s gaze darts up to Steve. “See? That’s what it’s _supposed_ to do.”

“I forget now. Why do I like you?”

“Because,” Bucky fires under the curve of the shield, taking down another soldier storming up the stairs. He falls backward, taking two others with him. The sound of them falling down is followed by two gunshots. “I keep saving your ass.”

“You two done up there?” Monty calls out.

“Depends. Are you being held at gunpoint and forced to lure us down?”

“As if I’d let a Nazi capture me. There’s no need to be insulting, Barnes.”

Bucky laughs and starts for the stairs, stopping when Steve grabs his arm. “Buck. What happened earlier…”

“Not sure I know what you’re talking about.” Bucky’s expression is serious, but he doesn’t quite look Steve in the eye. Steve sighs and lets him go, following him downstairs, both of them grabbing dead soldiers by their uniforms and dragging them down the with them. 

 

They haul all of the bodies outside, stacking them in a shed not far from the inn. They all stare down at them after they lay the last man in the pile. No one says or does anything, and Steve’s not sure if it’s a kind of prayer, respect for the dead, or the fact that none of them have anything to say.

Jim’s the first to speak, stepping back. “There’s food.”

“Are there medical supplies?” Bucky gives Steve a sharp look. “Someone decided to stop a bullet with his leg.”

“I’ll heal.”

“Pick a bedroom and sit your ass down.”

Steve sighs and heads to one of the first-floor rooms as Bucky goes to scrounge medical supplies from around the inn. He’s glad to be alone, still slightly reeling from the scene with Bucky in the other room. He tries to put it out of his mind as he works off his pants, finding it easier to do when he looks down at the blood darkening the material, at the pull of the fabric sticking to his thigh.

He hisses as he sits down, pain flaring as the stairs and the weight of carrying bodies hits him. Blood oozes out of the bullet hole. Bucky comes in, giving Steve a dirty look before sinking onto his knees in front of him. “I don’t care if you’re Captain America. You’ve still got bones that break, and arteries that can rupture, and you can still bleed to death.” He grabs Steve’s calf and pulls on his leg until it’s fully extended. “It’s already closing up, isn’t it?” He doesn’t give Steve a chance to answer. “Exit wound?”

Before Steve can say anything in response to that, Bucky is running his hand down the back of Steve’s thigh. Steve closes his eyes at the touch despite the fact that there’s no wound.

“Fucking idiot.”

“I didn’t get shot on _purpose_.”

Bucky pulls his hands away to open the bag he’d brought into the room with him. “You’ve already started healing. I’m going to have to open it up to get the bullet.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to enjoy that?” Bucky smiles at him, showing his teeth, and Steve gives him an exasperated look. “You used to not like it when I got hurt.”

“Yeah, but now you’re built to deal with it.” He pulls out one of his knives and a small bottle of whiskey. He opens it and takes a drink.

“Oh, that’s real nice.”

“Doesn’t do you any damn good, remember? You want something to bite on?”

“By the time you quit yakking, the hole’s going to be closed.”

“I take it back. You deserved to get shot.” He puts his hand under Steve’s thigh again to hold it steady before pressing the knife to Steve’s skin and slicing across the hole to open Steve’s leg. He releases Steve’s thigh and sets the knife aside, grabbing a set of tweezers with one hand and using the other to spread the skin. “How you doing up there?”

“Just fine.” Steve has his eyes closed and his head back, teeth not quite clenched. “Just keep on taking your sweet time.”

Bucky barks a laugh. “Got your canteen? Need to be able to see.” Steve grabs it off the floor by his pants and twists the cap off, pouring a trickle of water out. “This might tickle.”

Steve sucks in a breath as Bucky gets the bullet, the pinchers of the tweezers scraping his femur. Bucky winces as he pulls it out.

“Shit. Sorry.”

“‘S fine.” Steve manages to grit out. He uses the canteen water to wash the wound again. Bucky pats it dry, then wraps gauze around Steve’s thigh. 

Bucky drops the bullet in Steve’s palm. “Now who says you don’t know how to show a gal a good time?”

“You the gal in this relationship, Buck?”

Bucky looks up at Steve. He seems surprised, holding Steve’s eyes for a long moment. Steve knows he should look away, but he’s as caught by Bucky’s gaze as he had been upstairs. “What do you want me to be?”

Steve swallows hard. “I…” He bends his leg, barely noticing the pull of his skin as he does. His knees are spread wide, and Bucky moves closer. 

“Did you like what you saw, Steve?”

“I…”

“I think you did. I think that’s why you ran.”

“No, I…”

“Be here a few nights. We’ll have privacy.”

Steve’s breath hitches. “Jesus, Buck.”

“All you have to do is tell me no.” Bucky straightens from where he’d been sitting back on his heels. His hands move to Steve’s thighs, brushing just under the hem of his boxer shorts. “Are you telling me no, Stevie?”

“Christ, I…”

“Cap! Sarge!” Dum Dum’s voice booms down the halway. “Grub!”

“If it’s not fuckin’ Nazis…” Bucky mutters, using Steve’s thighs as leverage to push himself to his feet. “I’ll grab you a new pair of pants.”

**

Bucky sits on the bed on the opposite side of the room from Steve and watches him. His eyes are dark and shadowed, and Steve shifts nervously, feeling like a specimen in a way similar to how he’d felt the day they’d transformed him. 

“What?”

Bucky smirks. “What what?”

“You’re lookin’ at me.”

“You’re sitting across from me.”

Steve hates it when Bucky’s like this. Pedantic and stubborn. “You’re looking at me weird.”

Mouth twitching, Bucky puts his hands behind his head and leans back against the wall. “What’d’ya mean weird?”

“Like you might want to smother me with a pillow.”

Bucky’s quiet for a long time and then he speaks, voice low. “The first time I was fifteen.”

“The first time what? You wanted to smother me?” Steve swallows hard when Bucky stays silent and Steve realizes what exactly he meant. “With a guy?”

“Yeah. Told you about the girl. Jessica. Same year.”

“You were busy.”

“I was horny.” Bucky laughs. It’s not his usual laugh, but his smile is sly and familiar. “Girls were… Well, not easy, but easier. And guys were…” He pauses, exhaling. “I didn’t want a fairy. Didn’t want someone pretending to be a girl for it. I wanted… This guy. There was a guy. A person I trusted, but I couldn’t have him, so I went to find someone who would… Could…” His exhale is shaky. “I wanted him so much.”

Steve swallows, remembering how Bucky had described the man he’d been with in England. He swallows again, the sound loud in the silence. “Me.”

Bucky barely nods, the complete opposite of the brashness and boldness of earlier.

Steve nods, but he can’t help his frown. “Me? I mean, was it me? Or just how I looked?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah.” Steve’s slightly surprised by the answer. 

“Makes sense, I guess. If it’s you, you probably want me away from you.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me? You’re my _best friend_.” Steve leans closer to Bucky. His sigh is loud and annoyed, and the urge to smack Bucky upside the head makes his hand itch. “Since when are you such a damn idiot?”

“Most guys aren’t real calm when they find out their best friend’s a deviant.”

“You’re not.” Bucky glares at him, and Steve glares right back. “Christ. You say I’m stubborn.”

“ _You are_.”

“Well, you’re giving me a run for my damn money.” Steve gets up and walks over to him, staring down at Bucky. “Answer the question.”

Bucky stands up in front of him, hardly any space between them. He looks up at Steve and it’s still disorienting. Bucky doesn’t say anything, just stands there, his breath hot as it mingles with Steve’s.

“Me?” Steve whispers. “Or me then?”

“Why?” This close Bucky is overwhelmingly warm and intoxicating even though Steve can’t get drunk anymore with the serum. 

“Because I can’t give you that body anymore.”

“You’re…” Bucky shakes his head. “You’re not… You’re with Peggy.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

Bucky’s eyes flick up to Steve’s and then he quickly steps to the side. “It’s my turn for watch.”

Steve watches him go, not stopping him. The feeling that’s been plaguing Steve since London is hardening into a stone in Steve’s chest. He hadn’t lied to Bucky. He hadn’t seen much besides the look on Bucky’s face, the sweat on his skin under the waxy lights. But his brain retained the image, the way the other man looked, and he can see him if he focuses on it,can see all the things he was, the way Bucky described him. Bucky had wanted Steve before the serum and had never said or done anything. And now it’s too late because Steve isn’t that man anymore. Not small. Not scrawny. Not what Bucky wants.

Steve walks back to his bed. Stretching out on it, he stares at the cracked ceiling. He’s still awake when he hears Denier relieve Bucky, but Bucky never comes back to the room.

**

They’re a good fifty miles from the Hydra base they’re going after, stuck walking because of the bombed-out roads and blown bridges. They have to slog through chest-high water, tied together to fight against the current. Steve’s using his shield to break through the ice, and Bucky’s holding his rifle poised to cover them.

Even Steve is shivering by the time they’re on the opposite shore, and there’s no real cover. They huddle under the remains of one side of the bridge, which keeps out any additional snow, but does nothing for warmth. Dum Dum comes up behind Steve. “Think we can all hide back here and use you as a windbreak, Cap?”

“He’s not that big.” Bucky pushes Dum Dum away. “Don’t stroke his ego.”

“Would stroking that warm me up?” Steve realizes what he’s said as soon as he says it and the heat of his blush replaces the chapped feeling from the cold on his face. A quick glance shows him that the rest of them are trying not to laugh.

“You’d have to ask one of your showgirls about that.” Bucky says with a smirk, the closest thing to a straight face in the group. “I’m sure Agent Carter is far too ladylike to know such things.”

He can practically feel the tension Bucky’s remark causes in the rest of the Commandos. There’s a sort of challenge in Bucky’s expression, daring Steve to respond.

“I’ll leave it up to you to ask her.” Steve smiles right back at him, and Bucky laughs.

“I will. Next time she and I have a moment alone.”

“You want us to distract Cap for you?”

Bucky laughs again, raising an eyebrow at Dugan. “How you gonna do that? Stroke his ego?”

“I think before there’s any stroking, ego or otherwise, we need to find somewhere warm and dry.” Steve looks out at the icy rain falling and blows out a breath. “You guys stay here. I’ll go ahead and see if I can find shelter.”

“You carry a fucking target.”

“You’re worse than the nuns,” Steve sighs. “I’ll leave the shield.”

“How is that better?” Bucky’s voice is gruff. “I’ll go.”

“I’ve got less chance of getting hypothermia. I’ll go. You guys keep close, keep each other warm.” He grins at Bucky. “No ego stroking.”

**

He finds a barn about a mile away, though the snow is hip deep leading up to it. He manages to plow a path to the door, using his shield as a shovel to clear the area around it. Inside half the roof is caved in, but there are bundles of hay in the horse stalls. It’s no surprise the horses are gone, but as nice as it would be to have their body heat, the hay should at least keep them somewhat warm.

He works his way back to the bridge, keeping a careful watch on the surroundings. Everything is still in the mix of snow and freezing rain. A hundred yards away from the bridge, he lets out a sharp, piercing whistle. He gets a wolf howl back and rolls his eyes before hurrying forward.

“Flash,” He whispers.

“Thunder.” Morita manages to get out between chattering teeth. All of the Commandos are huddled together, piled on top of each other. The tips of their ears and noses are a white-blue.

“C’mon. We’ve got a bit of a walk, but there’s shelter at the end of it.” He has to help each of them up, and they stand as close together as possible. 

Steve goes first, leading the way and then clearing the way to the barn through the new snow that’s fallen since the time he left. All of them are nearly frozen, and Steve ushers them into one of the stalls, snapping through the bindings on a couple of bales of hay.

“Okay. Keep together. Cover up with this. I’ll take first watch.” It’s warmer than under the bridge without the wind coming off the water. He makes a path around the perimeter of the building so the rest of them can make an actual patrol when it’s their turn out in the cold. He makes a decision to relieve each of them halfway through their shifts so none of them are away from the warmth for too long.

He’s outside for several hours before Dum Dum comes out, shoving Steve inside. “You’ve got icicles hanging off you, Cap. Go get warm.”

Steve blows on his cupped hands and nods, slipping deeper into the barn. The rest of them are a mass buried under the hay, and it’s clear Dugan did his best to try to replace the area he’d disturbed when he crawled out. Someone had found some ratty horse blankets that had been left behind and spread them on top of the hay. Steve sits beside the pile. A hand reaches out to grab his wrist. 

“Get in here.” Bucky’s voice is thick with sleepiness, but the tug on Steve’s wrist is strong. Steve is cold enough not to argue. He digs his way in as Bucky turns so his back is to Steve. Steve presses against him and Bucky reaches back, grabbing Steve’s wrist again and pulling his arm around him, curving his palm around the back of Steve’s hand, threading their fingers together.

Steve exhales as Bucky’s warmth starts to seep into him. His breath stirs the hair on the back of Bucky’s neck and Bucky shivers, pushing back closer to Steve. Bucky’s reaction isn’t sexual, but the shiver that runs through Steve has nothing to do with the cold. He’s tried to keep distance between them, both out of uncertainty and self-preservation. Whether he wants to admit it or not, Steve knows that seeing Bucky with another man has reawakened feelings he’s pushed down since he was a teenager.

And now, knowing that who he was is the type of guy Bucky wants, that Bucky even wanted a guy in the first place, makes him more unnerved about being close to him.

“Relax,” Bucky murmurs, voice low and rough. “If I wanted a block of ice behind me, I’d be sleeping outside.”

“Sorry,” Steve closes his eyes and settles his breathing, matching Bucky’s rhythm. Their sense of smell has all but deadened out of necessity, but Steve remembers the scent of Bucky fresh from the docks, from dancing, from sex. Only now it’s not just the sweet smell of perfume he remembers from those times. What he’d thought was purely Bucky had been the smell of other men.

Pointless jealousy curls in Steve’s stomach and without thinking, he pulls Bucky closer. He feels Bucky react, and Steve buries his nose against Bucky’s neck.

“Christ, Rogers. Your nose is freezing.” Bucky whispers, but it’s breathless in a way that makes Steve shiver again. This time, when Bucky presses back, it’s deliberate, the curve of Bucky’s ass fitting perfectly against Steve’s groin.

“Buck,” Steve whispers hoarsely. Bucky doesn’t respond, but he slides their joined hands down so Steve’s palm is over Bucky’s cock, already half-hard and filling out more as Steve touches him. This time Steve’s voice is strangled. “Buck.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, just keeps Steve’s hand pressed against him, his ass settling firmly against Steve so Steve’s cock is pressed against the seam of his pants. Steve moves his hand slowly from the base of Bucky’s fly to his belt, unable to keep from rolling his hips forward. Bucky hums low enough that Steve doesn’t hear it so much as feel it.

He knows he needs to stop, to pull back, but no matter what the serum did to him, he’s not strong enough to do it. He does manage to stop thrusting and Bucky hums again, softer this time, as he releases Steve’s hand and reaches back, curving it around Steve’s ass and keeping him close.

**

The destruction of the Hydra base is anticlimactic after how miserable the march there was. Denier might use more explosives than necessary, but none of them mind since they all crowd closer than they should to feel the heat.

They take two of Hydra’s Jeeps and head back, still cold, but covering the ground more quickly. Steve and Bucky haven’t been alone since the barn, and the tension has the rest of the Commandos looking at them warily, more than one of them muttering about how they’d thought they were done with this shit.

Steve just pushes them back faster, driving at night by the light of the moon. It only takes two days to get back as opposed to the three weeks they’d been out, trudging through snow, planning their assault, and freezing. When they make it back to camp, Steve hands over the intel they’d stolen from the factory to Peggy and tells her he’ll meet her and Phillips as soon as he’s taken care of his men. He makes them grab dry, almost clean clothes, and herds them all to the showers.

“Shower, get warm clothes on, go to the mess for a hot meal, and bed down.”

“What about you?”

Steve blinks at Monty. “I have to debrief. I’ll see you all after.”

Bucky shakes his head. “You’re just as worn out as the rest of us.”

“No rest for the wicked.” 

“Means you should be sleeping like a baby.”

“I’ll be along,” Steve says with a laugh. He starts for the command tent, sighing at the sound of footsteps behind him. Bucky takes a few long strides and catches up, falling in step with Steve. “Pretty sure this is insubordination.”

“Pretty sure I don’t care. Tell ‘em to send me home if they don’t like it.”

Steve shakes his head. “It’s a standard debrief.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. But you won’t even try to get out of there, so they’ll have you up all night with new missions and strategies while you’re tired, hungry, and cold. And then Carter’ll bat her lashes at you, and you’d probably knock yourself out walking into a wall.”

“I’m not that helpless.”

“How long have I known you? How many dames have I seen you try to make time with?”

“Peggy’s different.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely somethin’ else.” Bucky pushes aside the flap of the command tent. “After you.”

Steve bumps his shoulder against Bucky’s before ducking inside. His smile fades, expression sobering in the face of Phillips’s stare. “Colonel.”

“You look like hell.”

Steve hasn’t seen himself, but he’s seen his men, and they’re covered in dried sweat, dirt, sludge from the churned up earth under the snow, and soot. Their hair and clothes are just as disgusting with oil, dirt, and gunpowder. “I assumed you wanted a briefing straight away, Sir.”

“You know you have the ability to make anything sound just this shy of subordination.”

Steve nods seriously. “It’s a gift, Sir.”

“Sit the hell down, Rogers.” Phillips’s eyes snap to Bucky who has years of practice pretending that people realizing Steve is actually a little shit doesn’t amuse the hell out of him, though the smirk on his lips probably gives him away. Not that that’s news to Phillips. “You too, Barnes.”

Bucky salutes and sinks down into the metal chair next to Steve. Steve has a sneaky suspicion that Bucky’s closer to insubordination than he is, but he’ll happily take Phillips’s ire in Bucky’s place.

“All right. Give me the details so you and your smell can get out of my tent.”

**

They get hauled off the front for PR purposes, which pisses them all off, but it comes down as an order, so they don’t have much choice. They run through a bunch of staged scenes, pretending for the cameras that that they’re out on the battlefield. Which is where they actually should be. 

The only advantage to it is the fact that they’re billetted in an old boarding school, so there’s hot food and hot water and actual beds. The rest of his men are in the student dormitories, but Steve’s bunked down in one of the teachers’ quarters. The rooms are set up for two, but he’s alone for their stay. He still spends the time with his men, as well as the other troops passing through, and the men in the school’s old gymnasium that’s currently serving as a hospital.

All of the Commandos spend time there, and Dugan’s juggling and raunchy jokes are a much bigger hit than Steve is, which Steve is immensely grateful for. He ducks out before he should, going back to his room. He strips down to his boxers and undershirt, not sure if he’s more relieved to be out of his clothes or his boots.

He stretches out on the bed, arching his back until he hears and feels the pop, falling back on the mattress with a sigh of relief. The knock at the door makes him groan. He sits up, but his feet haven’t even hit the floor when the knob jiggles and the door opens.

“I locked that for a reason.” 

Bucky shrugs. “Not like I ain’t seen you butt-naked, much less in your skivvies.”

“That’s not the point.” Bucky locks the door behind him and settles on the bed across from Steve. He unlaces his boots and takes them off. “What are you doing?”

Bucky lies back on the bed, hands behind his head. “Relaxing. Noisy as hell with everyone else.”

“So I have to deal with you?”

“Lucky you, huh?”

Steve huffs and settles back on his bed. He puts his hands behind his head as well and looks up at the ceiling. “Thought I got out of listening to you snoring.”

“If you wanted out of that, you shoulda stayed in Brooklyn. Besides, pretty sure it was me who spent a chunk of his life listening to you wheeze like a dying bagpipe.”

“Oh, I see how it’s gonna be.” Steve rolls onto his side and props his head up on his hand. Bucky turns his head then his body to mirror Steve’s pose. “You know, I wouldn’t be anywhere else than here with you.”

“I can think of a hell of a lot of places I’d rather be. But, yeah. I’d want you there.”

Steve smiles and he rubs his fingers along the rough wool blanket. “You know, you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Because there’s no point in me answering it.”

“So it was me then. The body.” Steve laughs, his chest tight. “It’s kind of funny if you think about it. Dames didn’t like it and you kept swearin’ they had to get to know me, but for you it wasn’t me at all.” He settles onto his back again and his eyes burn. Bucky sits up and Steve can’t look at him.

“Steve.”

“It’s okay. We’re still best friends. That doesn’t change.” He has to swallow against the tightness of his throat. “My personality works for that, right?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Put yourself down. You’re the best guy I’ve ever met. You do what’s right. You give a shit about people. You let them change you so you could do what you thought needed doing. You’re here when you don’t have to be, when you shouldn’t be.”

Steve closes his eyes, pressing his lips together because it feels like they’re shaking. “You really hate that I’m here, don’t you?”

“I hate the thought of anything happening to you.”

“Because nothing coulda happened to me at home?”

“That’s not --”

“How do you think I feel? You’d be _dead_ , Bucky.” Steve sits up and it feels like there’s an empty pit inside him. “You’d be dead and your parents would have a fucking telegram, and I’d have _nothing_.”

“Steve.”

“No. No. Don’t fucking ‘Steve’ me.” He shakes his head and grabs his uniform slacks. He gets off the bed and steps into them. “Just…”

“Steve. Damn it.” Bucky stands up and grabs Steve’s arms. “It’s you, okay? It’s always been you. Everything. From the fucking beginning. At fifteen. Now. Every day in between. It’s you.” Bucky’s voice breaks and it’s barely a whisper. “It’s you.”

Steve lets the slacks fall to the floor but otherwise doesn’t move, standing still in Bucky’s grip. “Why didn’t you…”

“Because losing you scares me to death, and I was so afraid. If you were disgusted with me. Jesus, Steve. I don’t think I’d’ve survived if you looked at me like…”

“Oh, hell, Buck.” Steve cups his chin and forces Bucky to look at him. “Half the reason I did so bad with the dames was because I spent most of my time staring at you.”

“You’re a good man.” Bucky’s voice is cracked and dry, embarrassed. “You’re not depraved. Not an invert like I…”

“Bucky.” Steve keeps his gaze on Bucky, his hand on his chin so he can’t look away. Bucky licks his lips and Steve makes a low noise. “I never… Never thought you… You’d…”

Steve doesn’t know who moves first or if it’s simultaneous. There’s nothing and then they’re kissing. It’s not graceful. They basically collide and Steve can taste blood from where a tooth has cut against his lip. But then Bucky tilts his head and they _fit_ , and it unleashes something Steve doesn’t know how to name -- a combination of lust, need, relief, and love.

Bucky’s hands fist in Steve’s undershirt, yanking at it to get it off of him. Steve grabs the back of the collar and pulls it over his head. While he does that, Bucky strips out of his uniform, dropping his shirt and slacks to the floor, bending down and resting the top of his head against Steve’s stomach as he tugs off his socks.

Steve steps out of his slacks and kicks them aside as he runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair. It’s soft and thick, recently washed. Bucky hums at the touch then tilts his head back to look up at Steve as he sinks to his knees. 

“Buck.” Steve exhales then sucks in a sharp breath as Bucky hooks his fingers under Steve’s waistband and pushes his boxers down. He licks his lips as he lets his gaze travel the length of Steve’s hard cock. Steve bites his lower lip to keep from making a sound, but a low groan manages to escape as Bucky looks up again and meets Steve’s eyes. 

“So fucking beautiful. Always so…” Bucky cuts himself off, taking the head of Steve’s cock between his lips and sucking lightly. Steve wants to close his eyes and lose himself, but he’s afraid if he does, when he opens them this will all be a dream, the same dream he’s had for what feels like a lifetime, the one that’s been almost too vivid since he walked in on Bucky back in England.

His eyes fall closed anyway, but he keeps combing his fingers through Bucky’s hair, keeping himself grounded, reminding himself that this -- that Bucky -- is real.

Bucky pulls back and Steve looks down, panic making his chest tight. Bucky rubs his hands over Steve’s hips and shakes his head. “Get out of your head.” He keeps his eyes on Steve’s as he slides his tongue along the slit of Steve’s cock. Steve shudders, the heat from Bucky’s gaze like a physical thing.

He nods and Bucky swallows him down. Steve’s knees nearly buckle and he has to hold onto Bucky’s shoulders to stay standing. Bucky pulls back again and Steve can’t help his low whine. 

“Sit.” Bucky growls. “Spread your legs for me.”

Steve all but collapses on the cot, blushing as he spreads his legs wide so Bucky can move between them. Bucky’s hands slide along Steve’s thighs, and his eyes go back to Steve’s. He gives him a filthy grin, then bends his head again, taking Steve deep.

Steve sucks in a breath through his teeth, and his head falls back. The heat of Bucky’s mouth engulfs him, too much and not enough all at once. “Ch-christ, Buck.”

Bucky hums around Steve’s cock, and he makes a rough choking sound. He brings his head up and looks, watching his cock slide into Bucky’s mouth. Reaching down, Steve brushes light fingers over the skin of Bucky’s hollowed cheeks pulled tight over the outline of Steve’s dick. Whimpering at the touch, Bucky sucks harder, pressure surrounding Steve and holding him between the roof of Bucky’s mouth and his tongue. 

Bucky swallows and Steve grips the edge of the cot, making the metal rim groans in protest. Bucky rakes his nails up and down Steve’s thighs leaving red lines that fade almost immediately. Steve’s breath is tight in his chest like in the days when he had asthma, and his whole body shudders when Bucky drops one hand to Steve’s balls and squeezes them firmly.

“Oh Christ. Christ. Bu-Buck.”

Pulling back, Bucky’s tongue darts out from between wet, swollen lips and licks the spit from the corners of his mouth. Steve groans, so close to the edge. “You ever been fucked, Stevie?” His voice is hot enough to singe Steve’s nerve endings and his breath stutters. Bucky squeezes Steve’s balls again when Steve nods. He hums, the sound warm and deep. “You gonna let me fuck you?”

Steve tugs Bucky up, kissing him hungrily. Bucky hums again as Steve sucks on his tongue, pulling Bucky onto his lap, his hands curving against Bucky’s ass and tugging their bodies flush. The kiss deepens as Bucky settles on Steve’s lap, and the cot creaks ominously beneath them. They both choke on laughter, and Steve moves to kneel on the floor, guiding Bucky down beneath him. 

He looks down at Bucky, at his eyes dark with want, his lush red lips. “How do you want me?”

“Naked. Begging.” Bucky pulls Steve down and bites his lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. Steve moans quietly and then Bucky is kissing him, owning Steve’s mouth. It’s wet and hot and hungry, almost ten years of want driving it. 

Steve grinds his hips down, not caring about the threadbare cotton of Bucky’s boxers against his cock, though he shivers, so close to the edge. Bucky must feel it because he rolls them over, putting space between them as he braces himself over Steve, pinning him to the ground.

“This is real, right?” Bucky sounds so unsure. Steve makes a soft sound, working a hand free to reach up and brush Bucky’s jaw. 

“I never thought I could have this. You.” Steve holds Bucky’s gaze. “I love you, Buck. However you’ll have me.”

Bucky kisses him hard and quick, then pulls back, kneeling and straddling Steve’s thighs for a moment before he stands up and strips off his boxers. He sinks down to his knees again, running his fingers along Steve’s clavicle then skimming them down his chest. Bucky’s cock is hard, brushing against his stomach. Steve’s seen it before, seen Bucky naked, but this is different. Charged. Real.

Steve reaches out, trailing his fingers down Bucky’s cock, shivering just as hard as Bucky does at the touch. Bucky hisses as Steve runs his hand back up, finger swiping across the head. It’s sticky with Bucky’s pre-come and Steve instinctively brings his hand to his mouth, sucking his finger between his lips.

Bucky shivers again and rakes his fingers down Steve’s body to his hips. Steve arches up until he meets the resistance of Bucky astride him. “Buck. Please. Want it. Want you.”

Bucky reaches out and grabs Steve’s bag from where it sits at the end of his cot, digging blindly through it for the jar of Vaseline. His other hand curves around Steve’s cock tightly at the base. Steve rolls his hips, wanting Bucky to move his hand, to stroke him, but he doesn’t shift his grip.

“Open it,” Bucky grits out, setting the Vaseline on Steve’s chest. Steve takes it and twists it open. Bucky lets go of Steve to grab it, dipping two fingers into the thick jelly, scooping some out. He moves from astride Steve to between his knees, forcing his legs to spread wider, then reaches down and rubs his fingers against Steve’s opening.

Steve makes a low noise, and Bucky stretches out, head on Steve’s thigh as his fingers keep tracing the furled skin. Steve gets up on his elbows and can’t look away when Bucky turns his head so he can look at Steve. Steve can barely breathe, everything in his lungs expelling when Bucky moves and takes Steve’s cock in his mouth, pushing one finger inside him at the same time.

“Buck.” Steve gasps, instinctively spreading his legs even wider. Bucky moves his finger in conjunction with the hard suction of his mouth. Steve’s head falls back, his lips parting. “Yes.”

It’s been years since Steve’s done this, years since he’s had anything inside him. Being opened up sends shivers up his spine and heat coils at the base of his cock. Bucky hums and sucks, wet and slick around Steve, and Steve forces his eyes open, his head up so he can watch his cock disappear into Bucky’s mouth.

He chokes out Bucky’s name as Bucky pushes a second finger in, as he comes. Bucky swallows him down, making greedy, satisfied noises as his wrist twists and he increases the speed of his thrusts, as a third finger joins the other two in the wake of Steve’s orgasm.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Bucky’s voice is hoarse and shaky, breaking on the words. He eases his fingers free of Steve and moves up, gasping his cock with slick fingers and guiding it against Steve. Inside Steve. “O-oh. Oh fuck, Steve.”

Steve wraps his hand around Bucky’s neck, eagerly swallowing the sounds Bucky makes. He breaks the kiss to taste the sweat at Bucky’s throat. “God, yes, Buck. Need it. Need you. So… Fuck. So much.”

“Jesus, Steve.” It falls like a prayer, a benediction from Bucky’s lips. His hips roll, thrusting deep, filling Steve up. “Never thought. Never dreamed I could have this. You.”

Steve braces his heels on the floor and thrusts up against Bucky as he pushes down. Goosebumps rise on Bucky’s skin where Steve’s hand stroke over him. 

“Steve.” Bucky shudders and gasps, his hips jerking forward until he’s buried deep. He stills and Steve tightens around him instinctively. Bucky comes, cock pulsing inside Steve.

Bucky’s arms shake until Steve pulls him down, letting all of Bucky’s weight settle on top of him. He runs his hands from Bucky’s shoulders to his ass, holding him close. 

“Jesus,” Bucky breathes against Steve’s throat and Steve shivers in response. With a rough laugh, Bucky flicks his tongue over Steve’s skin and nips at it. “Wish we’d done this before. Have you both ways.”

“Least this way I last and didn’t pass out or have an asthma attack.”

“Mm. Was kind of fond of the little punk though.”

“He’s still here.” Steve pulls away so Bucky looks at him. “I mean, it only changed the way I look. Not who I am.”

Bucky nods, expression serious. “I know. Outside just matches the inside now.”

“Huh. My inside’s pretty handsome.”

“Cept for that.” Bucky taps Steve’s nose. “Looks like even the serum wasn’t strong enough to beat that.”

“I was wrong. I don’t like you.”

“No?” Bucky raises an eyebrow and rolls his hips slowly. He’s still buried inside Steve, and the movement makes it clear to both of them that Steve’s hard again. “I think you might be lying.”

Steve lifts Bucky away from him so he eases out of Steve. He rolls them over and braces himself over Bucky. “Captain America never lies.” 

“Yeah, but Steve Rogers does. Trust me on that one.” Bucky grins widely. Steve smiles and leans down, kissing Bucky softly. Bucky shakes his head. His hand strokes down the length of Steve’s cock. “Don’t suppose Captain America’s gonna fuck me with this, huh?”

Steve sucks in a breath at the touch and then leans in to kiss Bucky one more time. “Nah. But I can guarantee Steve Rogers will.”

**

Steve wakes up on the cot alone, his body pleasantly sore. He’s glad that he can still feel it -- the stretch and fullness of Bucky. It makes it all real in a way Steve’s not sure he could believe without it. Of course it helps that he’s only had two hours of sleep after Bucky was hard enough to fuck Steve again. They’d filled the rest of the time taking advantage of Steve’s recovery period with Bucky riding Steve, sucking him, kissing him, stroking him. Steve clears his throat as he sits up, relishing the twinge he feels.

Bucky’s sprawled on the other cot, one of his feet on the floor and his right hand hanging off the side. Heat slides through Steve and the urge to touch Bucky is overwhelming. He walks over and knees down before running his fingers lightly over Bucky’s shoulder blade.

“Mm.”

Steve kneels by his side and nuzzles Bucky’s shoulder. “Morning.” His voice is hoarse from the steady stream of begging he’d done, from how many times he’d panted Bucky’s name.

“Fuck.” Bucky turns over and grabs Steve, pulling him down and kissing him. “Sound so good.”

Bucky’s voice is just as rough and Steve flushes, knowing it’s because he’d been sucking on Steve’s cock. Steve swallows hard. “You too.”

“Time’s it?”

Steve kisses him again simply because he can. Looking at his watch, he sighs. “Six. I’m going to need to be at Command in an hour, and I definitely need breakfast and a shower.”

“Or, you could skip breakfast.” Bucky tugs Steve closer. “And fuck me. Unless you’ve reached your limit.”

“No.” Steve shakes his head. “Not yet.”

Bucky moves, climbing off the bed and onto Steve’s lap. “Good.” He pushes at Steve’s shoulders, guiding him onto the floor. “Want you inside me again.”

Steve groans and rolls them over. “Like this?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Bucky arches up against him.

“Where’s the…” Steve gropes for the Vaseline, tugging it open.

“Don’t need much,” Bucky says as he shoves down his shorts. “Still slicked up from before.”

Steve moans and digs into the jelly with two fingers. “You’re killing me.”

“I’m _waitin’_ on you, Rogers.” Steve moves between Bucky’s legs and presses his fingers against him. “Fuck that,” Bucy rasps, reaching down and pushing Steve’s fingers inside him. “I’m good. Now fuck me.”

Steve leans in and braces himself over Bucky, ignoring him as he thrusts his fingers inside him. Bucky’s face is lax, mouth open and breathing shallow. His blue eyes are dark with his dilated pupils.

“No. C’mon. Need your cock, Steve.”

Steve pulls his fingers free and grabs his dick so he can guide it inside Bucky. Bucky sucks in a sharp breath as Steve pushes in, sliding deep. “Like this, Buck? Me buried inside you? Or d’you want to be fucking me?”

“Yes. Both.” He wraps his legs around Steve’s thighs. “You. Fuck. Want you. So long.”

Steve lowers himself to his elbows, hot breath gusting against Bucky’s shoulders as he thrusts in deep and hard. Bucky exhales in high-pitched gasps, his fingers digging into Steve’s ass. What feels like too long and not long enough later, Bucky’s breathing deepens, turning to rough, short grunts in time with Steve’s thrusts. 

Shifting his weight, Steve slides his hand between them so he can wrap Bucky’s cock in his fist. Bucky’s heels dig into Steve’s thighs as he arches up again, thrusting into Steve’s grip.

“Oh. Oh.” Bucky shudders and comes, wetness staining both of their undershirts and coating Steve’s hand. His body constricts around Steve’s cock, tight and hot.

“B-buck,” Steve gasps and keeps thrusting against the friction to bury himself deeper, spilling hot, fucking his orgasm into Bucky. Bucky shudders again, legs sliding off Steve and dropping on the floor. His breath rasps in his throat as his chest rises and falls rapidly. 

Nudging Bucky’s jaw with his nose, Steve moves up to kiss him. Bucky licks Steve’s lips before pushing his tongue past them and into Steve’s mouth. Steve hums as their tongues slide together, and Bucky makes a low noise in response before he breaks away. “You gotta shower.”

“Mm.” Steve kisses him again. “Stay here.”

“Yeah, and when Carter comes looking for your ass?”

“I’ll tell her you’re busy with it.”

Bucky snorts. “I’d love to see that. Bet you’d be red as a tomato. Probably explode.”

Steve feels his blush heat up his skin now, realizing what he’d said. “Oh, God.” He presses his head to Bucky’s shoulder. “I have to go.”

Bucky slaps Steve’s ass. “Go on. Get out of here. Not all of us are super soldiers. Some of us need actual recovery time.”

Steve pulls back carefully, realizing as much as he’d felt the twinge from last night, Bucky must be twice as sore. Still, he can’t help but stare as his come leaks out of Bucky. He groans and looks up to meet Bucky’s eyes. Bucky’s pupils are still wide and dark. “Still inside you.”

Bucky groans as well. “God, get the fuck out of here before I decide not to let you go.”

Steve stands, tugging off his stained shirt and using the dry areas to clean himself up. He pulls his boxers up over his hips. He doesn’t look away from Bucky, not sure that he can. Bucky sits up and his body shivers and Steve drops his eyes again to the small pool of come on the floor between Bucky’s legs. Bucky moans softly as he looks down then back up at Steve.

He jerks his head toward the door. ”Get the fuck out of here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grabs his bag, digging cleaner clothes out of it.

“I’ll do some laundry.” Bucky pulls his own shirt off, stripping completely. “I’ll even clean your shit since you’re such a big shot.”

“Gosh, Buck. Thanks.” He grins then ducks out the door before Bucky can respond. He stands in the hallway and takes a deep breath. There’s no one around, the whole building strangely silent. His brow furrows and he turns, opening the door. “Buck?”

Bucky’s lying on the floor again, sprawled where Steve left him. Bucky turns his head to the side so he can see the door. “Yeah?”

“It really was real, right?”

“Still is.” His smile is warm and sated. “Now go the fuck away.”

**

Howard’s waiting with Peggy when Steve shows up in the command office only ten minutes late. Leaning against the wall like he owns it -- and he quite possibly does -- Howard is sipping a drink and smirking. It’s exactly what Steve expects from him, so the only thing that’s a surprise is his actual presence.

“Rogers.” Howard raises his glass in a toast. “You look fit as a fiddle. I did a damn good job.”

“Pretty sure Dr. Erskine did all the hard work. What brings you to the front?”

“Maybe I just missed your pretty face.” He pushes off the wall and walks over to him, guiding him over to the table where Peggy is currently talking to another SSR agent. 

“I’m sure that’s it.” 

Howard smirks at Steve’s dry tone, setting his drink down in the middle of the map on the table. Peggy doesn’t spare him a glance as she reaches over, grabs the glass and drains it in one smooth swallow. “Actually, I was afraid to say no to this one.”

“Don’t feel neglected, Howard. I’ll be with you in a moment.” She goes back to talking to the other agent. Steve doesn’t quite manage to hide his smile, but Howard manages to ignore it. The other agent leaves and Peggy finally turns to them.

“Howard. Captain Rogers. I hope your men are enjoying their time away from the front.”

“No offense, ma’am, but I think we’d all feel better if we were out there fighting Hydra.”

“Good. You’re about to get your wish. We’ve gotten some new intelligence on another Hydra stronghold. Nothing on Zola or Schmidt, but it appears to be a weapons manufacturing facility.”

“When do we leave?”

“That’s why I’ve had Howard join us. We’re hoping to fly you in tomorrow night.”

“Why the delay?”

“No moon tomorrow night,” Howard answers for her.

Steve nods. It’s a smart strategy. “Me or all of us?”

“Well,” Peggy’s voice is dry as dust. “We’re fairly certain your men wouldn’t let you go alone.”

“Especially not Barnes,” Howard drawls, something knowing in his tone. “Man doesn’t like you out of his sight. I don’t think he trusts you not to win the war all by yourself.”

“I think he’s more likely to believe I’d _start_ a war all by myself.” Steve clears his throat. 

“Honestly, I think Sergeant Barnes wants this war to be over just like the rest of us.” Peggy taps her pointer on the map. “Howard? I assume we can count on you to do your part for the war effort?”

“Well, when you put it that way, how can I refuse? Of course, you’re hard to resist any time. Wouldn’t you agree, Captain?”

“Agent Carter always has excellent intel. There’s no reason not to follow her orders.”

Peggy manages not to react other than lifting one eyebrow. Steve has perfected looking innocent, but it’s clear Peggy sees right through him. To be fair, he _usually_ does follow Peggy’s orders. “Why don’t you assemble your team, Captain, and we’ll go over the intel.”

Steve nods at them both and heads back to his room. It’s empty when he goes inside, so he goes over to where the team is billeted. Bucky’s sitting on the top bunk, Dugan on the bed below him wearing nothing but socks, briefs, and his bowler. He tips his hat in Steve’s direction. 

“Captain.”

“Pack up. Agent Carter has a job for us.”

“Thank god. All this rest and relaxation was getting on my nerves.” Dugan slides his feet into his unlaced boots. “I’ll rally the troops. Give Sarge here the chance to say goodbye to whatever dame he spent last night with.” His smile is sly and sharp as he stands up.

“Dum Dum.” Bucky clears his throat. “Pants.”

“It’s too early to be in uniform.” He nods at Steve and toes his boots off. “Present company excepted.” Sighing, he pulls on his pants. “Not like you to be a stickler for the rules, Barnes.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and hops onto the floor. “You briefing us?”

“Meet with Agent Carter and Howard in a half hour. He’ll be dropping us in.”

“Stark’s involved, huh?” Bucky nods. “Must be important.”

“Stark makes it important?”

“Well, it’s you and he’s risked his neck for you a couple of times already. But him flying us in makes it time sensitive, which means someone thinks it’s important.”

“Pack up then.” He nods to Bucky and heads back to his quarters. “Time to get back to work.”

**

Stark drops them in the middle of nowhere, and they land in a copse of trees, half of them caught by the parachutes and dangling in mid-air. Bucky snorts, then shimmies up the first tree to cut Morita down. “This is why I didn’t join the damn paratroopers. I was born to march, not fly.”

They ball up the chutes and bury them out of sight before moving to the northeast. Steve always had an artist’s eye for detail and the serum makes everything sharper, so he doesn’t need the map to know where he’s going. It’s clear that they’re in enemy territory. Fallen soldiers litter the ground, and everything is too quiet. It’s as if all the animals have fled. Even the wind seems gone between the trees.

They don’t need to speak and disturb the air around them. They use the signals they’ve developed, slipping stealthily deeper behind the lines. They slip into a V formation, Bucky splitting off to the left with Denier while Dugan goes right with Morita. Gabe and Falsworth bring up the rear while Steve goes straight ahead, shield at the ready. They’re not sure what exactly they’re walking into, just that there have been numerous broadcasts from this location that, decoded, reek of Hydra, not Nazis.

It’s rough terrain made rougher by the necessity of making sure not to tread on bodies or, somehow worse, body parts in the dark and the snow. There’s a whistle on the right that’s low enough that only Steve is likely to hear it. He holds his fist up and the footsteps behind him stop. Steve whistles this time, quietly for both Bucky’s team on the left as well as for acknowledgement to Morita and Dugan. 

They all come together again around Steve. Morita’s voice is barely above a whisper. “There’s a guard post ahead. Looks like ten people just forward of an old castle. Stonework from what we could see by their fire.”

“We’re guessing lasers?”

“Not sure. We’re pretty deep in their territory, and the amount of bodies makes me think it might be something else.”

“Seemed pretty lax,” Dugan agrees. “They’re not expecting anyone to visit by the looks of it.”

“Okay. Falsworth, I want you to come in last. Jones, go with Barnes. We’ll flank them with you four.”

“And you’ll go in full steam ahead,” Bucky says with a resigned sigh. “For someone who spent his life trying not to die, you sure are near-suicidal.”

Steve can tell exactly what Bucky isn’t saying, but he ignores it. “I know your feelings about it, Bucky. Still how it’s going to happen.” Steve looks at Denier who is waiting for his orders. “You go around the side by the treeline. If you can get to the main building, set your charges. If there are too many eyes, wait for us to come in.”

“Oui, Capitaine.”

Steve nods. “Move out.”

**

Gabe gets grazed by a bullet and Denier gets hit by some falling debris, though he makes it _very_ clear it’s because of Steve getting slammed into a wall by a grenade and not because of how his explosion went off. They’re all covered in dirt and ash, several of them stained with blood -- Hydra’s as well as their own.

Morita and Falsworth are laden down with files and a machine five men died to protect. They head west to their designated retrieval spot as soon as Gabe and Denier are looked at. Morita radios that they’re on their way, but they still have to wait in the field for two freezing hours before Stark lands.

They start taking machine gun fire just as they’re boarding. Steve turns and deflects with his shield. Bucky climbs in right before him, aiming the rifle over Steve’s head and firing three times in rapid succession. A bullet comes in high, and Steve just manages to get the shield up and keep it from hitting Bucky.

“Get inside,” Steve snarls, anger and fear rising in his chest.

Bucky fires off another shot and Steve jabs back with his elbow. Bucky kicks him on reflex, but he does duck into the plane. The shooting has stopped, so Steve climbs in behind him. Howard starts taxiing before Steve’s all the way in.

“You’re late.” Bucky is sitting next to Howard. “Need to invent yourself a watch?”

“Well, I thought about getting shot down, but then decided you could all just cool your heels for a bit.”

“Easy to do since it’s fucking freezing out there.” Bucky slouches back in the seat, looking over his shoulder at Steve. Steve’s glaring at him, which seems to have no effect on Bucky at all. He smiles at Steve in return, eyes roaming up and down his body. Steve glares harder and Bucky just laughs.

“You’ve got no room to talk, Rogers, so I don’t want to hear a goddamn word.” His eyebrow lifts, daring Steve to say something.

Falsworth sighs. “And here I thought we’d reached a detente.”

“What does that mean?”

Monty raises an eyebrow, somehow less challenging than Bucky’s, but definitely more condescending. “A detente is an easing of tension, Captain.”

Howard snorts. “Hydra raid and grammar lesson. Productive day for you, Rogers.”

Steve turns his glare from Bucky to Howard. “Just shut up and fly us back to base.”

**

Steve spends four hours with Peggy and two other SSR agents once they land, going over the mission and the files. The last hour they’re joined by a scientist who takes several files and disappears with them, Howard, and the machine they’d liberated.

“All right, Captain. We’ll debrief with your team tomorrow. Go and get some sleep.” Peggy smiles at Steve, something small and private. “We’ll keep you here a bit longer, then get you back to the front.”

“I thought we were going right back.”

“Not yet. O-nine-hundred tomorrow. You and your team.”

Steve nods brusquely and heads toward the enlisted building. All of the Commandos are on bunks, none of them undressed, all still wearing their boots.

“We headed back, Cap?” Morita asks.

“Not yet. Meeting at o-nine-hundred with Agent Carter. I think our leave time will be determined after that. Eat, shower, sleep. Gabe, Jacques. Did you both stop by the med tent and get checked out?” They nod and he clears his throat. “Good. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

He’s halfway to his room when Bucky jogs up next to him. “You’re not talking to me now?”

“What? No. Just tired.”

“You were in there with them a long time. Busy flirting?”

“Oh yeah. Agents Shockett, Wells, and Burton were quite taken with me.”

“Did you let ‘em down gentle?”

“Agent Carter told them I was U.S. Government property, so they couldn’t stake a claim.”

“Does that mean she can’t either?”

Steve sighs and stops walking. “I’m not sure what you’re going for here, Buck.”

Bucky sighs softly as they enter the building, staying quiet until they’re in Steve’s room, the door locked behind them. Steve stands there, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and incredibly awkward.

“You like Agent Carter. She likes you. Everyone knows that.”

“Because what everyone knows is true.” Steve sighs. “I don’t see why you’re bringing this up.”

“Because otherwise I think about how I want to be alone in a room with you for four hours. Though I’m thinking about a different kind of debriefing.”

Steve laughs. “Jesus, Buck.”

“But first we need to talk about what happened.”

Steve’s brow furrows, his confusion clear. “You mean with us? The other night?”

“No. Tonight.” He glances at the clock. “Last night.”

Steve’s shoulders tense and he straightens. “I told you to get on the plane.”

“I _was_ on the plane.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You’re not bulletproof.”

“The shield is.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re a hell of a lot bigger than you were, and the shield ain’t big enough to cover all of that.” He waves his hand to indicate all of Steve’s body.

“I was fine! You were the one that almost got hit!” He doesn’t quite yell, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he takes a deep breath and exhales shakily. “I get hit and I heal. You get hit and you…” He shakes his head and swallows hard. “That can’t happen.”

“Steve. This is war. People die.”

“You don’t. That’s why I’m here. To watch your back.”

“That’s my job.”

Steve shakes his head, but he’s not disagreeing. “It’s not much of a shield if I can’t use it to save my best friend.”

“Your job isn’t to save me. Your job is to fight for the good ol’ U.S. of A.”

Steve grabs Bucky by the jacket and hauls him in until their bodys are flush. “You’re the world.” Steve’s voice breaks. “You’re _my_ world. You were before this and now. Now.”

“Shit, Steve.” Bucky groans and grabs the back of Steve’s neck and hauls him in for a kiss. Steve surrenders because it’s everything he’s ever wanted and more than he ever thought he could have. So much more.

Both of them are breathing shakily by the time they break apart. One of Steve’s hands is buried in Bucky’s hair, the other clenched around the material of Bucky’s sleeve. Bucky’s hands are on Steve’s hips, rubbing slowly up and down.

“Why do you think I get so fucking mad at your for charging in head-first, fists swinging?” Bucky holds Steve’s gaze. “I’ve been in love with your dumb ass forever.”

“It’s a much nicer ass now than it used to be.”

“Still just as dumb.” Bucky raises an eyebrow as if daring Steve to argue. “You’re fast and you’re strong and a lot of other things, but you’re not indestructible. You’re not…” Bucky shakes his head then leans in, forehead against Steve’s. “I’ve spent too many years saving your ass for you to get yourself killed now that it’s mine.”

“Sweet-talker.” Steve laughs and tilts his head so he can kiss Bucky again. It’s softer and slower, melting into something hot, into tongues and teeth. Steve lets go of Bucky’s sleeve and pushes his hand underneath the open jacket for more contact. He can feel the fast, frantic beat of Bucky’s heart against his palm.

Bucky’s hands move up, tugging Steve’s shirt free of his slacks. As soon as it’s loose, he gets his hands beneath it, fingers splaying over bare skin.

Steve slips his hand free from Bucky’s hair and moves it under his jacket with the other, both shoving it off Bucky’s shoulders and down his arms. “Get this off. All of it.” The same hot fear he’d felt when he’d realized the bullet that pinged off the shield would have hit Bucky in the chest comes roaring back, and with it a flood of desperation.

Bucky nods, stripping his clothes off quickly. Steve does the same, reaching out for Bucky as soon as they’re both naked. Bucky comes closer, framing Steve’s face with his hands to bring him in for a hard kiss. Steve returns it hungrily, hands sliding over Bucky’s ass and then beneath it, lifting Bucky up off his feet.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Bucky groans into Steve’s mouth. He wraps his legs around Steve’s waist. Steve’s cock is caught between them, rubbing against Bucky’s. Steve kisses him again, biting at Bucky’s lips, fucking his tongue between them. He walks them to his cot and lowers Bucky onto it, kneeling between his spread legs.

“Almost lost you,” Steve breathes. “I can’t lose you.”

“Feel the same way about a damn reckless idiot I know.” Bucky gasps as Steve settles on top of him, aligning their cocks again. “Not sure I can live without him.”

Steve’s breath hitches and he thrusts, cock stroking Bucky’s. “Need to fuck you. Need to be inside you.”

Bucky pulls Steve’s head down and kisses him. It feels just as needy and frantic as Steve’s pulse. “I’m all yours, Stevie. Please.”

Steve doesn’t want to move away, not even for the Vaseline, but it will be worth it to slide into Bucky. He digs it back out of his bag, and Bucky takes it from him. 

“Don’t move.” Bucky’s voice is deeper and his eyes are burning hot enough that Steve can feel the heat from Bucky’s gaze on his skin. Bucky slicks up his fingers and wraps them around Steve’s cock. He strokes him, getting the shaft covered from tip to base.

“Buck. Shit, Buck. You gotta stop.” Steve’s body feels like a live wire, sparking with Bucky’s every touch.

Bucky pulls his hand away and pushes Steve back so he can turn over onto his hands and knees. He scoops out more Vaseline and reaches back, smearing it over his hole. “Fuck me.”

“I need to --”

“Steve.” Bucky’s voice is ragged and raw. “ _Fuck me_.”

Steve shudders like he had in the past during the harsh Brooklyn winters, only this time he’s burning up. He shuffles forward enough to slot himself between Bucky’s spread legs. Curving his hand around himself, he guides his cock to the shiny wet of Bucky’s hole. He can’t speak, but his lips part on a thick moan as he pushes slowly inside Bucky, as he’s surrounded by heat, as Bucky’s body clamps tight around him. 

Tighter than Steve could have ever imagined. Tighter than the first time. Tighter and perfect like nothing else before.

He pushes past the second ring of muscle and Bucky sucks in a harsh breath. “W-wait. Need… Fuck. Need a minute.” The muscles of Steve’s arms tremble as he holds himself completely still. After a few moments Bucky nods jerkily. “Okay. Slow.”

“You sure? I can --”

“Just… Just slow.”

He nods even though Bucky can’t see him. He carefully pulls back a bit then pushes forward a little deeper. Bucky’s hands fist in the blanket and Steve can’t help but lean forward and lick at the sheen of sweat along Bucky’s spine.

Bucky’s breath hitches and he pushes back. Steve barely manages to swallow a gasp as he thrusts forward. Bucky grunts softly and bows his head. “W-wait.”

Steve’s buried completely inside Bucky and every instinct is screaming at him to move, to lose control.

“Okay,” Bucky huffs. “Okay.”

Steve pulls back, still going slow. His muscles are clenched tight with restraint, but he moves, smooth and steady. “Feel so good.”

Bucky’s breath is still ragged, and Steve presses their bodies closer, pushing deeper as he kisses the back of Bucky’s neck. Bucky reaches up with one hand and runs his trembling fingers through Steve’s hair, catching in the sweaty strands. 

Steve drops his head, forehead on the back of Bucky’s neck, his breath on the sweaty skin causing Bucky to shiver. He kisses the knob of Bucky’s spine. “Love you. So much. I know you… Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“S-sorry?” Bucky turns his head slightly. “No. No, Steve. Don’t… Not sorry. Please.”

Steve squeezes his eyes closed and exhales, his breath stuttering out of him. His hips stutter as well, and then he starts moving faster. He groans as Bucky clenches around him. “Okay?”

“Y-yeah. God, yes. T-touch me. Please, Stevie. N-need.”

Steve nods, his hair brushing Bucky’s damp skin. Goosebumps rise on Bucky’s arms as Steve reaches around Bucky’s waist to take Bucky’s cock in his hand. He squeezes and Bucky groans. Steve’s not sure if it’s in relief or pain until Bucky thrusts, rocking back as Steve pushes forward. He tightens his hand as Bucky pushes farther into Steve’s fist.

There’s no slick on his hand anymore, so the smoothness of Bucky’s skin and the leaking precome are the only things easing the friction of skin on skin. Bucky whimpers and thrusts forward, then stills, his cock pulsing in Steve’s hand as he comes. Steve strokes forward to catch some in his palm, letting that slick up his hand as he keeps working Bucky’s dick.

Bucky shakes like he’s falling apart, barely breathing. His hands clench tighter in the blanket. “Uh...uh… St-”

“Almost,” Steve gasps. “Al-almost there. I just…”

Bucky tightens around him, his whole body clenched. Steve can’t breathe as pleasure courses through him. His muscles go taut and then his orgasm washes over him like a rogue wave.

“Buck,” he breathes. “God, Buck.”

Bucky lowers himself to his elbows, his head resting on the thin pillow. “Don’t. Just don’t move.”

“Not until you say,” Steve promises. “Whatever you need.”

Bucy nods then turns his head to the side and takes a deep breath. “You ever scare me like that again, Rogers, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Rather you do this to my ass.”

“No way in hell,” Bucky states. “I’m not rewarding you for being stupid, pal.”

Steve shifts forward just enough to kiss Bucky’s temple. Bucky makes a low sound and thrusts back into the movement. “Same things goes for you, you know. You’re a hell of a lot more vulnerable than I am.”

“Just as long as you know less-vulnerable doesn’t mean invulnerable.” Bucky covers Steve’s hand with his own and squeezes. “Now get your hulking body off me so I can fucking breathe.”

“You’re flappin’ your gums. Pretty sure that means you’re breathing just fine.” He nuzzles Bucky’s neck. “Better than you were earlier anyway.”

“Like I said. Hulking body.”

“You complaining about me being on top of you?”

Bucky smirks. “Can’t kiss you like this.”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Steve grins against Bucky’s neck before pulling away. He eases out of Bucky’s ass as slowly as he’d slid inside. It still makes Bucky gasp and close his eyes tightly until Steve settles next to him in the too-small cot.

Bucky shifts over carefully so that Steve has more room, then levers himself up so his head is on Steve’s chest. “I’m gonna stay here tonight.”

Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair as Bucky kisses along Steve’s sternum. “Whatever you want, Buck.”

**

When they cross the border into Austria again, there’s a solemness that all of them take on like a blanket that somehow keeps the cold in. Bucky seems the most affected, alternating between needing to be close and alienating himself. Steve does his best to respect Bucky’s boundaries, but he’s not sure he’s successful.

The nights are cold and they all stay close, but Bucky’s always on the outer edges. They get intel that leads them into Liechtenstein instead, and none of them relax, but the tension seems to ease. There are smiles again, and the jokes don’t feel as strained.

“I don’t know about you guys,” Gabe says as he sinks down on a log next to the fire they’ve built. “But I don’t particularly like Austria.”

Dugan snorts what passes for coffee out of his nose. “Fuck.”

They all start laughing as Dugan flips them off. The laughter breaks what’s left of the tension and, when it fades, they all look more relaxed than they have in a while, even more so than when they’d been off the front lines.

Steve settles against the log behind his back, knees bent as he takes a deep breath.

“Leave some air for the rest of us, big guy.” Bucky bumps his shoulder against Steve’s, not pulling away after. The rest of the guys stare at them, and Steve’s not sure how to get Bucky to move without drawing more attention to them.

“All right, gents.” Monty grins at them all in turn. “Pay up.”

“Nope.” Morita shakes his head. “Not until we know for sure.” He raises his eyebrows, looking at Bucky expectantly.

“Really?” Bucky raises his eyebrow. He sounds amused rather than confused like Steve is.

“What are you guys talking about?”

Dugan ignores Steve and kicks Bucky’s foot. “C’mon, Sarge. Fess up.”

“At the school,” Bucky says with a quick shrug.

“Ha.” Monty puts his palm out and wiggles his fingers. His hand is soon full of cigarettes and a bar of chocolate. “Very nice.”

“How many times?”

Bucky laughs at Dugan’s question. “Are you talking about how many days or how many _times_?” Steve’s eyes widen as Bucky grins wolfishly. “Two different times. Though I’m not sure I can count high enough to tell you the other.”

Denier laughs and holds out his hand, earning almost as much as Monty. Steve looks at Bucky, knowing his expression must be horrified. “Did you… Did you all place… Give me those.” Steve snags the items out of Monty and Denier’s hands before they can even close their fingers. He turns to glare at Bucky. “Did you _know_ about this?”

Bucky shrugs and the heat in Steve’s face has absolutely nothing to do with the fire. Bucky is clearly fighting a smile. “I wasn’t betting at least! Otherwise I would have won.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “But you thought about it, didn’t you?”

Bucky bumped his shoulder into Steve’s again, deliberately reaching out and rubbing the back of Steve’s hand. “Aw, c’mon, Stevie. Don’t be angry.”

“We’re just glad you two finally got it figured out,” Gabe admits. “You were driving us all crazy.”

“I didn’t even know!” Steve protests. “How did any of you?”

Dugan laughs. “Sarge here used to wax rhapsodic about the little punk he left behind. We had a feeling.”

“Of course, then you showed up, and we thought he’d been bullshittin’ us.” Jim laughs. “Because you ain’t the Steve Rogers he described.”

“He is,” Bucky says firmly. “Where it counts he is.”

Steve ducks his head. “You being nice doesn’t stop you from being in trouble for letting them _bet_ on us.”

“Like they listen to me.”

“You’re the only one they _do_ listen to.”

“We listen to you, Captain,” Denier manages in somewhat broken English. “Sometimes.”

Bucky taps his fist on top of Steve’s thigh. “They love you. You’re their favorite Captain.”

Steve frowns and grumbles. “I’m their only Captain.”

“You’re our favorite Captain of all,” Monty tips his cup in Steve’s direction before tilting it toward Bucky. “If it makes you feel any better, Sergeant Barnes is quite right. We wouldn’t have listened. We need some amusement, and the few rations you’ve cost us are a small price to pay.”

“See?” Bucky grins.

“I don’t like any of you.” Steve drops the ciagrettes and chocolate bars onto the ground in a small pile and crosses his arms over his chest and gives Bucky a flat look. “Especially you.”

“None of that.” Dugan shakes his head. “We need you two to be all copacetic. None of us’ll last through another lover’s spat.”

“A lo-” Steve sputters and Bucky puts his hand over his mouth.

“Shut up, Rogers.” He stands up and reaches his hand down to help Steve to his feet. “And since these super-spies here have us all figured out, they can deal with being on watch. And I’ll deal with you.”

“Just remember, we’re a long way from civilization, but the five of us can hear just fine, and the Nazis don’t need your help sneaking up on us.”

“I don’t --”

Bucky laughs and pulls Steve away from the fire toward their foxhole and bedrolls. “Don’t worry, boys. I’ll find some way to keep him quiet.”

“Oh my god, Buck. Shut up.”

“Mm-hm. How ‘bout I shut you up instead?”


End file.
